To the Honour Of The Grey Wardens
by LadyOfTheDarkRealm
Summary: Thirty two years after the blight Elisa Cousland feels the calling and is forced to say painful goodbyes, and have old memories of a man she once loved but betrayed at the landsmeet fill her with grief. Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon age


Elisa Cousland lay in her bed tossing and turning. She didn't want to see the nightmares calling her to the deep roads. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she thought of her joining. Memories that were painfully forgotten were now starting to surface. It had been thirty two years since she had met Alister, since her family was slaughtered at the hands of Rendon Howe, Since she had killed the archdemon atop Fortdrakon and became Fereldens hero. No she couldn't let herself think of him it had been so long since the landsmeet, and she didn't even know if he was still breathing. The thought made her sobs turn violent.

She lived with her brother Fergus in Highever for years after the battle tormented by grief. She knew she was equal to blame in her situation though. The one thing she did to protect him had driven him too far out of her reach, and ever since the day the knife dug farther and farther into her heart never letting her forgot what she did fully.

Zevran had tried to comfort her but she never let him. He tried to be nice but it never helped, and five years after the blight he had fallen in love with Leliana and they ran off to Orlasis together and haven't been heard from since. Elisa was surprised when Sten happily married until a year ago when he left Denerim in Raging grief when his wife was murdered. After the blight Wynne became first enchanter. She passed away five years ago from old age and was highly honoured in death. Elissa was Warden Commander now and inducted Orhegran into their ranks even if he was drunk all the time he was good company when she wanted to forget. She had talked to Morrigan after the fight and she would travel from time to time to see Elissa but it had been a while since she last heard from her.

Two years after the blight Elissa was awoken from her sleep by a knock on her door. She opened it two find a tall broad shouldered man who couldn't be a year older then her. When he took down his hood she had discovered it to be Nathaniel Howe. At first she felt shear rage towards her old childhood friend, but when he eventually got her to calm down and carefully dodged a few of her well aimed hits. He got her to listen to him and they talked for hours. Over the years he was the only one who got her to break down the walls she had so strongly built up. It had taken forever but when he finally proposed she gladly accepted. Their wedding was small but beautiful. Elisa remembered crying as her brother gave her away wishing her parents were there. The wedding was twenty years ago already.

Nathanial was now holding her trying to calm the violent tears. He didn't asked what caused them he knew all too well about the nightmares. What he didn't know of was the memories now flooding her head of a life she could have had. She never tried to regret but it was hard she loved Nathanial but she knew who her heart belonged to and it wasn't him.

Morning came to soon Elisa felt like she barely had a chance to sleep. She stirred and tried to get out of bed when Nathanial pulled her down

" Where are you going?" He asked still half asleep.

"It's morning my dear I thought I would get up. Is that not your intention as well to get up when morning greets you?" She laughed in a sarcastic manner. Nathanial smirked and pulled her to him.

"It would have been if my wife had actually greeted the night properly. Rest the world can wait" She smiled and curled up beside him only to be interrupted by a frantic knock on their door saying there were visitors demanding to see Elisa. She sighed and crawled out of bed Nathaniel following on her heel. They didn't even bother changing to their day wear. When Elisa finally got to the door and pushed it open she was mauled with hugs from what she would assume was a human. When she got up she recognized the people standing in front of her all too well. It was Leliana and Zevran. Out of everyone it could have been she was not expecting them. Elisa was wordless continuing to hug Leliana to finally letting go and jumping to Zevran.

"Your back I can't believe it your back. Why are you back though?" she said exasperated.

"There will be time for story telling later my dear Warden. First you must introduce us to this extremely shy and awkward man behind you" Zevran Replied kissing Elisa's hand. Elisa smiled.

"That extremely shy looking man is my husband. Nathanial meet Leliana and Zevran. Leliana and Zevran meet Nathanial. I guess you could say there old friends of mine" Leliana and Zevran laughed before Leliana let out a shriek of glee.

"You got married! I can't believe I missed it to see you in a dress oh my gosh that would have been a sight, and you married such a handsome man. I'm so pleased to meet you Nathanial I'm sure you have taken could care of my friend Elisa. "

"Of course he has Leliana. You think I would let him mistreat my little sis" Elisa turned to see her brother walk towards the group.

"Fergus? What brings you out to the warden barracks?" Elisa asked surprised to see her brother.

"Well me and Lel here went to highever to look for you before your brother directed us here" Zevran chimed in his accent bringing back memories of their adventures. Leliana turned to Elisa then.

"I am in need of some desperate girl talk Zevrans great and all but when you start talking about scented oils and dresses he tunes you out" Zevran laughed, and Elisa nodded as the two girls walked away Elisa was glad to hear the men getting along. As soon as they were alone Elisa braced herself for what was coming.

"I spoke briefly with Alister in Orlais about a year after we left. He didn't look good. Since you married Nathaniel I'm taking it you haven't heard from him since. I'm so happy you found someone to keep you happy and you got over it trust me I know it was hard I couldn't bear seeing you like that. I'm sorry I left but the need for adventure never dies in some people. Me and Zevran have two kids Duncan and Kalian we named them after two great people I would love for you to meet them. It's been what thirty two years since we killed the archdemon atop fort drakon has it not? If I'm not mistaken your feeling it aren't you the calling. That's why we came back I couldn't let you go without saying goodbye. You're the best friend I ever had. I'm so sorry I left and missed everything. I had so many adventures and Oh Elisa I wish I had years and years left to talk to you" With the final words Elisa broke into sobs Leliana following shortly. They sat there crying for what felt like eternity.

Nathaniel found them later they had cried themselves to sleep. He nudged his wife rousing he rout of her sleep. She carefully got up and placed a light kiss on his lips. She looked to Leliana and Nathaniel shook his head then she saw Zevran in the door and understood. Same old Zevran. She laughed secretly to herself.

Her thoughts were overwhelming her now she had days left before it would become too much and she would have to go. Her life was over and she knew it and now realized she didn't regret a single moment of it. She stirred in her husband's arms as he carried her to their room. He put her down when they got to their room. He could see the tears filling her eyes.

"What's troubling you my dear" Nathaniel asked knowing what was coming he too could feel tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I've been trying to resist it but I don't think I can take it much longer. I can't sleep I can't think straight. It's been thirty two years I'm lucky I have lasted this long. I will be leaving for the deep roads in three days departing from my childhood home of High ever. I have already made the arrangements with the other Wardens to who is the new commander, and I'll send word to king Bhelen to Expect me soon tomorrow morning. I love you Nathaniel more than you know" She ended her outburst in a whisper.

"I-I you can't. I can't. I love you Elisa I know it has never been easy, but I do and I always will. I know you would never let me come with you but at least let me say goodbye properly" He ended pleadingly. Before she could protest he closed the gap between them and the night was lost.

"Fergus you know you can't stop me" Elisa said trying to remain calm.

"But but I just can't let my little sister knowingly go to her death." He replied in a whimper. Crying now.

"Would you rather me suffer for the rest of my life?" Elisa replied back matching her brother with tears now.

" I'll miss you Elisa. I won't be to long I promise ill meet you, ma, and pa as soon as I can. Make them proud ok?' He said embracing his sister in a hug that he knew meant goodbye if only for now Elisa hugged him back never wanting to let go.

"May the maker watch over you brother" She whispered to him.

"And you to my sister" She broke off the hug. They sat there in silence. No one really knows for how long.

"Take care of Leliana will you Zev?"

"As always my dear Warden" He said giving her a slight bow.

"Stop with the formalities Zev its Elisa. Titles never really mattered to me you know that" He smiled and Zevran was startled when Elisa hugged him.

"Try not to miss me ok?" She whispered in his ear like he used to do to her all the time. Elisa was startled when Zevran bent down and lightly kissed her lips. When she looked at him he simply said.

"I couldn't let you die without doing that once. Now could I?" Elisa laughed and playfully pushed him away. Time had not aged him one bit.

Her goodbye to Orghen was short but the funniest thing Elisa had experienced in a while. She walked into the Wardens armoury to find Orghen drunk as usual scaring one of the new recruits with one of his stories. Elisa walked in and helped the poor boy out by telling Orghen to lay off because his stories were becoming dull.

"I was looking for you orghen"

"You going to the deep roads?" He looked at her.

"I know you would already know. Just promise me you'll be ok" She pleaded.

"Why wouldn't I be?" he stared.

"Because it's you" He laughed before he put an arm to his chest and bowed.

"To the honour of the Grey Wardens" The words barely escaped his mouth before Elisa did the same. They parted Elisa knew he would never have the problem of trying to forget if he needed to.

"Please no Lel don't cry. I'll cry if you cry and I'm really tired of crying" She went to hug Leliana.

"I'm sorry it's just hard. Promise me you'll be careful. Promise me that at least. I can't even image oh I'm sorry Elisa" Elisa hugged Leliana trying to be strong for her friend.

"If you need help forgetting go to Orghen. Although I'm not suggesting you drink as much as he" They both laughed and talked into the night.

Word spread fast about the hero of Ferelden journeying to the Deep Roads. So when three days was up and Elisa donned her armour and sharpened her swords for one last. A large crowd of people gathered to bid their hero a proper Farwell. They Created a path of rose petals to her horse. She turned one last time to wave, and Zev, Lel, Fergus, Nathaniel and the crowd burst into tears.

She reached Orzammar in three days time never stopping to rest. When she got there the guards were expecting her already letting her in with a small bow and also letting her know her friend arrived yesterday. That confused her she wasn't expecting to meet someone there. She planned to spend the night in Orzammar and head to the deep roads in the morning. She was shown her chambers then escorted to go talk to Bhelen. She walked in the door to see Bhelen talking to a cloaked man.

"Ah Mrs. Howe, Warden Commander, Ms. Cousland?" Bhelen asked wondering what to call her.

" Elisa would work just fine your majesty" He smiled.

"Well if we're going with first names it's Bhelen to you Elisa" It was her turn to smile.

"Who is your guest Bhelen. I didn't mean to intrude" She said politely.

" Oh you're not intruding my guest is here for you not me. I'll leave you two to talk" They gave each other small bows as Bhelen left leaving Elisa confused. The man slowly removed his hood. Elisa tripped backwards realizing who was.

" Wha- What are you doing here?" She stammered feeling rage, anger, grief, pain happiness and everything else a person could be feeling at a time like this. He ran to her pulling her into his arms.

"I couldn't let you face the Deep Roads alone now could I?" he laughed Elisa tried to talk but he put a finger to her lips shaking his head.

"You don't think you would feel it before me did you, and once I heard you were leaving for here I decided to join you. I have to admit I went into a downward spiral after the landsmeet fighting with myself to come back. Once I heard you were now Mrs. Howe I knew I couldn't come back so I stayed away. I regretted every day what happened at the landsmeet and when I found out it was to protect me you could only imagine how I felt. I love you Elisa I never stopped loving you since the day we meant at Ostagar. I regret not being there for you every second of your life to see you happy to hold you when your cry and to tell you it would be alright when the nightmares came back. I'm glad you found happiness and didn't waste the great life you were given, but I'm not as young as I once was and we have got a lot of fighting to do tomorrow I do suggest we sleep one last time. Putting the past behind us" Elisa simply starred trying to process what she just hear. The look she gave him made him hold her tighter.

"Elisa?" He said softly "Are you alright?"

"I never stopped loving you Alister. You stole my heart and forgot to ever give it back" He bent down and kissed her, and she returned it with a passion and love she thought she lost long ago"

"You know there are better things we could do then sleep on a night like this" He whispered playfully into her ear.

"Such as? I do hope cheese is not involved" He laughed.

"Well I don't know. I do fancy a nice piece of cheese" He then bent to kiss her again, and at that moment the past was forgotten because all they had was the now.

In the morning all of Ozamarr gathered to see them off and before they walked any further into their fate Alister turned to Elisa

"Do you remember what Duncan said to you at your joining?" Elisa starred straight on and said.

"In peace vilagince" Alister turned to face the way she was looking.

" In war victory" He said and together they said.

"In death Sacrifice" They drew their weapons.

"I love you Alister"

"And I you Elisa"

The two star crossed Wardens charged the deep roads with pride. They were never heard from again.

A funeral was held in Elisa's honour with an empty casket. With all of Fereldan attending it was bittersweet. Elisa's story was never forgotten told for generations and generations as for Alister he eventually slipped through the pages of the history books.


End file.
